Authenticity of Service

A little boy was at the door asking for food, which isn´t an uncommon occurrence. We try to get to know the people of our neighborhood that we serve, so we ask them to come in and eat with us. He said he wanted to take it home to his family, his mom is sick and he has six other siblings and there is no father in the house.

It´s the same story anytime anyone comes to the door. It´s overwhelming, what´s worse is I feel like I´m only making myself feel better in giving them food for a meal that won´t even begin to fill the emptiness of their heart or self esteem. They are oppressed by their own goverment, neighbors and even within their own families, which has repeated itself for genereations and generations.

Hatred is a much deadlier sickness than poverty. People here are cut with deep wounds--that are filled with the dirt and the garbage they live in and consume through the lies of the world which they believe; but that only numb their minds until they are unable to discern truth. They cling to the only false hope that is left; rationalization.

It is a dictatorship to say "This is my culture and this is how we act, how we dress. I have sex and do drugs and am enslaved by my passions because it´s part of my culture." And what about free will...self discipline...and ultimately rising above the expectations others have for your life. These are the very virtues in life which empower us to rise above mediocrity. Nothing fills that emptiness except love...give until it hurts and then keep giving.--Mother Teresa. What we have is never enough and the work is always too much. But it is in the knowledge of our nothingness that we see in clear light the authenticity of service. A priest recently helped me to understand the virtue of patience that comes from waiting. He said that it is that when we get to the point where we feel that maybe God doesn´t care or that he isn´t listening to our prayers; it is this moment that we are so close to finding our true calling we just can´t see it...and so many times we want to turn back or make our own way when he had something better already laid out for us the whole time. He also said that our patience is equivalent to our ability to suffer. Through the need of others approval, fear and perverted self-indulgement drain us from life, and many times even bring death, stealing from us the perfection which God has chosen for us and brings us to. St. Catherine of Sienna

Carol, the director, told me once that the only hope for girls in this neighborhood and this country to gain respect and dignity is to have an education. I met a lady with her baby waiting in line at San Bendito and I sat with her. She must have been no more than 17, if that. I gave her a coloring sheet and crayons and held the baby for her as they waited. At first glance, my corporal being was rejected to the idea of holding a child with dried up throwup on his shirt and a horrible scab on his nose, that was starting to bleed again. The more dejected I felt to holding this child, the closer I held him to me and the more tender I stroked his sticky hair. Gnats were eating at his scab and it wasn´t enough just to blow them off, I had to pick them out with my finger. I washed his hands and face with a cup of water and my shirt.

When I looked up I noticed that a rough looking man, probably early 30s was watching me the whole time. It made me realize that we´ve all been hurt by love and maybe that was the first time he experienced the pure intention of love expressed as love and not lust. And just maybe it touched his heart in a way that allows him to show that same tenderness to another. We choose by our actions to repair our brokenness and those of others or we allow ourselves to sink into despair and drag others down with us.